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Monday, 18 November 2013

Yusuf Uncle ki Kahani - Google Reunion

Aaj kal ek "Reunion Ad" ka bara charcha hai Facebook pe. Qoobay ne bhi jab dekha tou aankh bhhar aai.
On Vimeo

 Qooba ab sunaata hai Yusuf aur Mehra Uncle ki Un-Suni kahani:

Mehra Uncle ke abbu (Kumar sahab, because thats the most known Hindu name to Pakistanis), Partition ke waqt Lahore se Delhi agaye. Butt saab (Yusuf Uncle ke abbu) aur unki family ne baray khyaal aur ahtemaam ke saath Kumar sb ko rukhsat kya.

Kumar saab and family, migration ke dauraan. Tasveer mein Mehra Uncle bhi nazar arahay hain.


Kumar sb ke janay ke baad, Butt saab ne unkay ghar pe encroachment karli. Butt saab ne apnay naam ke agay 'Syed' laga lya. Ghar bara kar ke pehle 600 gaz ka kya, phir 3 stories bana ke, teen manzila karwa lya. Maashray mein unki bari izzat rahi.

Yusuf uncle ka poora naam Syed Yusuf Hussain Naqvi thha.

Lahore mein, Mehra Uncle ko itna khatra nahi tha, jitna khud Yusuf uncle ko tha. Isi liye jab unki phone pe baat hui, tou Mehra Uncle ne kaha: "Yaar Yusuf tu hee idher mujh se milnay aaja. Mein wahan aoonga, tou kahiin teray chakkar mein, Main bhi na maara jaoon"

Yusuf Uncle ne isi mein aafiat jaani aur packing ki tayari pakri. Abhi wo dukaan band kar hee rahay thhe, ke hijaab mein ek khatoon (Khadim-e-Aala ki dukhtar-e-aala) enter huiin aur kaha "MUJHE MITHAI CHAHIYE ABHI!!!", Yusuf uncle ke saath phir jo hua wo tareekh ka hissa hai. (Tareekh ke liye, neechay video pe click karein)

Jaisay taisay kar ke Yusuf uncle airport pohonch gaye.

Udher Delhi mein, raat ke waqt Suman (Mehra uncle ki poti, Mumbai wali), Yusuf uncle ko pick karnay airport jaa rahi hoti hain. Ye jantay huey ke Delhi 'Rape capital of the World' hai, itni raat ko akelay taxi mein safar karna Suman ki bahaduri aur Yusuf aur Mehra uncle se pyaar ki ek aala misaal hai. (Qoobay ko afsos hai ke video mein iss pehlu ko ujaagar nahi kya gya). Taxi wala hanky panky karnay ki koshish karta hai lekin Suman ka apnay daaday se pyaar dekh kar, uska zehen palat jaata hai aur wo ek acha insaan ban jaata hai. Wo qasam khata hai ke ab se wo aurto ki izzat karega.



Yusuf Uncle bilaakhir visa police reporting kartay karaatay, Mehra uncle ke ghar pohonch jatay hain.

Mehra Uncle: "Oye YUSUF!!!" "Oye Yusuf, teri aankhein, ro ro ke, meri judaai mein sooji hui hain?!?!"  :'(
(Ab Yusuf Uncle kya bataatay ke aankhein tou Daughter-e-Aala ki waja se sooji hui hain)

Wo abhi baat karna chaah hee rahay hotay hain ke peechay se Maya Khan nikal ke aati hain:

Maye Khan: "YUSUF NAHI UNCLE! MAYA! Chalein aap bhi Sunil ki tarah meray saath saath parhein 'La ilaha, Ill Allah ho.....'



Mehra Uncle aur Yusuf Uncle, bari mushkilo se, kisi tarah Maya ko Suman aur Chashmay walay boy ki date ki taraf divert kartay hain aur khud wahan se cut ke Baarish enjoy kartay hain.



(THE END)



Sunday, 27 October 2013

Pakistan ka Captain Phillips

Pichhlay dino Tom Hanks ki ek film dekhi "Captain Phillips".

Film dekhtay huey humein ye khyaal aya ke aisi hee film hum ko Pakistan pe bhi banani chahiye. Bil-akhir "palangtor patriotic" filmo ka daur phir chal nikla hai (e.g. Waar). Bas hum ne socha ke ab script likhna hee paray ga. Waar ki tarah thora anti-Indian element daalengay aur film hit. Isi koshish mein hum ne Pakistan Navy ki taareekh mein kiye gaye azeem kaarnaamo ko khangaalna shuru kya. Humein thori mushkil paish ayi. Hum ne thora aur dhoonda. Operation Trident, Operation Python waghaira. Jawab nadarud. Koi faida nahi. Har jaga pashemani. Ab humein fikar lahaq honay lagi. Hum pe hubbul-watni ka pressure barhnay laga. (Aisay pressure ki aala misaalein Ahmed Qureshi aur Mubasher Lucman hain)



Humko aisa lagnay laga ke audience hamari film dekh rahi hai aur hum se jawab maang rahi hai ke dikhaao koi kaarnaama iss film mein.

Aisa nahi thha ke Pakistan Navy ki kaamyaabyaan nahi thhiiin. Thiin. Bohot thhiin. Lekin jang ke maidaan mein na thhiiin. Business aur entrepreneurship ki dunya mein tou aisi aisi be-misaal kaamyabian thhiin ke Sam Walton aur Steve Jobs ush ush kar uthhein. 


Lekin film ki main theme tou ek jangi operation pe mabni thi. Hum ne socha kis tarah Bahria Complex 1, Bahria Complex 2 aur 3 ko jang ke pas-manzar mein paish karein? Kabhi NORE 1 aur 2 ke ooper ek drama bananay ka khyaal aya. Inn titles ka faida ye thha ke inkay sequels 1,2,3 bhi automatically tayyar thhe. Yaani ye Harry Potter series ki tarz pe ek kaamyaab tareen paishkash hosakti thhi. Lekin masla wohi, jangi kamyabi kahan ghussayein iss mein :(. 

Phir ek english title ka khyaal aya "Arena", Navy ka ek aur kaamyaab commercial mansooba. Ye ek acha filmi title thha. Hum Arena pohnchay, jo ke Karsaz pe waqay hai. Ye dekhne ke wahan se kin kin shaheedo ki kahaniaan nikaal saktay hain. Pehle tou kuch bachay humko Bowling kartay milay. Pins ko aisay tika tika ke gira rahay thhay jaisay Bharti faujio ko naist o nabood kar rahay hon. Seena fakhar se chaura hogya. Phir ek uncle jinki apni waist kuch 42 hogi, ek treadmill pe bhaagtay dikhai diye. Hum ne socha ke ye jang ki tayari kar rahay hain. Humko ye idea itna pasand nahi aya ke gym mein tayyari kartay har shakhs ko bahar se ba-asaani dekha jaa sakta hai. Sheesha transparent thha. Bhei ye mulk ki security ka maamla hai. Kya humko ye dikhana chahiye ke humaray jawan ki kamar 42 inch hai?



Jawan Ready for Operation Chikkar Chholay

 Thora aur agay barhay tou nannhay maasoom bachay 'rock climbing' ki training kar rahay thhe. 6-7 saal ke maasoom. Unn mein kuch uncle numa log bhi rock climbing ki koshish mein lagay huey thhe lekin unn nanhay maymaaro ki kaawish dekh ke aankh mein aansoo bhar aye :'( - Hum ne faisla karlya ke hum Arena pe hee film banayenge. Hum unkay daftar pohnchay aur apna maqsad byaan kya. Bari khushi se ek retired captain sahab ne humko welcome kya aur farmaya Membership fee Rs.25000 only. "Hain?? Bhei ye tou hamari poori film ka budget hai." Hum ne kaha. Unho ne apnay ek saathi ko aankho hee aankho mein ishara kya aur unho ne humein bahar ka rasta dikhaya. Jatay huey keh gaye "Rangoli se khana khatay jaiye ga. Per Head 1400"


Phir hamari nazar se guzray merchant navy ke bahadur insaan Captain Wasi! Captain Wasi ko bhi Somali pirates, mera matlab hai hamaray Mussalmaan Somali bhaio, ne Captain Phillips ki tarah pakar lya thha. (Ye sawal hum filhaal gol karjatay hain ke Ummah ki yekjehti aisay lamhaat mein kahan chali jaati hai) Dhoondnay pe pata chala ke Pakistan Navy ne unki koi madad nahi ki, lekin phir mazeed tehqeeq se saabit hua ke asal madad hee Pakistan ki armed forces ne ki.





Ab shuru hoti hai hamari Kahani. Script mulahiza ho:

MV Suez ko Somali pirates ne aghwa karlya hai. Usko bachanay ke liye Ansar Burney aur Dr Ishrat ul Ibad, jo ke dono DHA (Note: Armed forces contribution No.1) mein rehtay hain, din aur raat koshisho mein masroof hojatay hain. Wo sab se pehle Pakistan Navy ke  Chief Admiral Noman Bashir se ruju kartay hain. Noman Bashir, like a true patriotic Pakistani, categorically denies that this ever happened but when he gets told that the world has proof, he retracts his statement. (Note: Armed forces contribution No. 2). Phir ghussay se kehtay hain:




Ishrat ul Ibad aur Ansar Burney ghar ghar chanda maangnay jaatay hain. Waqt kam hai aur muqabla sakht $2.1 Million jama karnay hain. Kahiin se koi masbat jawab nahi araha hota. Phir bil akhir, sab se zyada donation ka ailaan kartay hain Bahria Town ke mojid (Note: Armed forces contribution No. 3) Malik Riaz. Malik sahab se milnay ke baad hum aa hee rahay thhe ke unho ne ek guzarish kardi.





Uskay baad NORE, DHA, Bahria Town mein rehnay walay aur Bahria Complex 1,2 aur 3 mein kaam karnay walay aur Bahria University ke talib ilm sab se zyada contribute kartay hain (Note: Armed forces contribution No. 4,5,6,7,8...........100) 10 mahinay ki sakht jidd o jahad ke baad bil aakhir captain Wasi ghar laut atay hain. Fleet commander Abbas terms ‘Operation Umeed-e-Nau’ a complete success.Yes! Paying $2.1 million ransom and rescuing our people is regarded as success. Bhei hamara success hai, hamari definition hai. Hum jaisay chahay define karein. Tum jealous kyun horahay ho. (Note: Armed forces contribution No. 101).  

Uskay baad iss pooray "kaamyaab Naval operation" ko sunehro huroof mein Pakistan bahri afwaaj ki taareekh mein hamesha hamesha k liye likh dya jaata hai. Aakhri scene mein Captain Wasi Allah ka shukar ada kartay dikhai detay hain.
[mandatory scene of Ibadah]


THE END

P.S. Qoobay ki guzarish hai ke agr aap kisi ko ISPR mein jantay hain tou iss script ko bhi filmi shakal denay ki sifarish karein. Bari meherbaani hogi. Warna ye bata dein ke Somalia immigration ke liye kitnay points chahiye hotay hain?



Saturday, 12 October 2013

Carol Ann Grayson's Blog and my Reply


I dont think she will ever publish my reply on her page. So I decided to put it here. Maybe after seeing this, she may want to show herself as "big-hearted" and "gracious" and may allow my reply on her page. (See every good act is in some interest)

So, here is the Reply:

Your first point, why only Malala? When you were nominated for Oscar, why is it only you who was picked up? Why not so many other great films like “Innocence of Muslims”, “Manila ki Bijliyaan” “Punjabi Gujjar” and “Moosa Khan”?
Your 2nd point that where is the justice to other girls? First of all, the other two girls Shazia and Kainaat, who were shot were also flown to the UK for treatment. The fact is that they were caught in the fire and WERE NOT the main target. You know when Benazir got shot, a few days ago 100s other died in her rally, a few died with her in Rawalpindi. Why not the same inquiry was done for each one of them? Why didnt the UN send a team for each of them killed? Why didnt every journalist in Pakistan or the west write an article on each one of them? Why didnt all the politicians of Pakistan go to each of the graves and offer prayers? The simple fact is that because Benazir was the celebrity. She was the target. There was no universal conspiracy that every journalist, tv anchor and politician colluded on Benazir’s death.
Your 3rd point that why only treat Malala and not other victims of Drones: Absolutely right that we should treat them as well but does that mean that until each drone victim gets the perfect treatment, education and health, we stop giving justice to all other children? It is the responsibility of the Pakistani govt to provide safety to all its children. The west will do as they please. They are separate countries and will work in their own interest. Like Pakistanis do in their own interest. For example: Pakistanis do not hold rallies or protest against the killings of their own fellow countrymen who are Christians and AHmedis but do it at a drop of a hat for the Burmese Muslims. Its in Pakistanis’ interest to promote that “Ummah” cause, so they do it. Same way, UK or the US work in their interests.
Your last point that Malala will become the champion of Drones like Obama. So for your kind information and so that you can breathe a little easy, Malala met Obama today and told him in his face “Drone attacks are fueling terrorism. Innocent victims are killed in these acts, and they lead to resentment among the Pakistani people. If we refocus efforts on education it will make a big impact” See the news here http://dawn.com/news/1049183/obama-meets-malala-yousufzai

Sunday, 4 August 2013

The Rehman Malik Theory

Rangeelay ne daryaaft kya hai ke Rehman Malik ek shakhs ka naam nahi. Ye ek phenomenon hai jo har daur mein maujood raha hai. Kaafi tehqiq ke baad, ye saabit hua hai ke Rehman Malik, har ahem leader ko mufeed mashwaray detay nazar aye hain. Kayee dafa tou ye apni asal shakal mein bhi zahir huey hain. Ye dekhein:

Rehman Malik aur Quaid
video

Rehman Malik aur Quaid - Picture


Rehman Malik aur Zia


Rehman Malik aur Zardari

Wednesday, 17 July 2013

Evolution of Malala's Conspiracy Theory

When Malala was shot:
1̶.̶ ̶S̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶t̶.̶ ̶S̶h̶e̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶a̶c̶t̶i̶n̶g̶.̶

When Imran Khan condemned the incident:
̶2̶.̶ ̶S̶h̶e̶ ̶was̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶t̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶b̶y̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶T̶T̶P̶.̶ ̶S̶h̶o̶t̶ ̶b̶y̶ ̶C̶I̶A̶.̶
̶
When TTP continued to attack Army sites and Malala given international recognition:
3̶.̶ ̶S̶h̶e̶ ̶was̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶t̶ ̶b̶y̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶T̶T̶P̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶T̶T̶P̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶C̶I̶A̶ ̶a̶g̶e̶n̶t̶s̶
̶
When TTP wrote the letter, explaining why they shot her:
4. She was shot by the TTP who regret the incident. She should leave the judgement to Allah. After all what TTP are writing in their letter is absolutely true about the New World Order.

(The above is valid until any new event)
̶
This is a mere coincidence that the evolutionists that I have met, also voted for PTI in the elections.
̶

Sunday, 30 June 2013

Bhai giri for Dummies

Those who are new to Pakistani politics and want to find out about MQM, this is a reference guide on how events took shape in MQM and how people reacted to them. With a few exceptions, you can use this rule to react in the future and you will find yourself in the right crowd. Try to stay away from those exceptions.


1978 APMSO Formed by Altaf Hussain.
Reaction: 
Diehard MQM: "ALTAF ALTAF #ONLYALTAF"
Distant Mahajirs: "Theek faisla hai Bhai ka"
Non-Mahajirs: "Sab milay huey hain. Sazish hai, Topi Drama. He is RAW agent"

1984 MQM Formed by Altaf Hussain.
Reaction: 
Diehard MQM: "ALTAF ALTAF #ONLYALTAF"
Distant Mahajirs: "Theek faisla hai Bhai ka"
Non-Mahajirs: "Sab milay huey hain. Sazish hai, Topi Drama. He is RAW agent"



1991 Altaf Bhai self exiled to London
Reaction: 
Diehard MQM: "ALTAF ALTAF #ONLYALTAF"
Distant Mahajirs: "Theek faisla hai Bhai ka"
Non-Mahajirs: "Sab milay huey hain. Sazish hai, Topi Drama. He is RAW agent"

1992 Altaf Bhai changed the name from Mahajir Qaumi Movement to Muttahida Qaumi Movement.
Reaction: 
Diehard MQM: "ALTAF ALTAF #ONLYALTAF"
Distant Mahajirs: "Theek faisla hai Bhai ka"
Non-Mahajirs: "Sab milay huey hain. Sazish hai, Topi Drama. He is RAW agent"

2002 MQM was a major part of the government under Musharraf especially in Karachi.
Reaction: 
Diehard MQM: "ALTAF ALTAF #ONLYALTAF"
Distant Mahajirs: "Theek faisla hai Bhai ka"
Non-Mahajirs: "Sab milay huey hain. Sazish hai, Topi Drama. He is RAW agent"

2010 Imran Farooq Murdered. Bhai cries.
Reaction: 
Diehard MQM: "ALTAF ALTAF #ONLYALTAF"
Distant Mahajirs: "Theek faisla hai Bhai ka"
Non-Mahajirs: "Sab milay huey hain. Sazish hai, Topi Drama. He is RAW agent"

2011 Altaf Bhai took decision to resign. Takes it back in 2 hours.
Reaction: 
Diehard MQM: "ALTAF ALTAF #ONLYALTAF"
Distant Mahajirs: "Theek faisla hai Bhai ka"
Non-Mahajirs: "Sab milay huey hain. Sazish hai, Topi Drama. He is RAW agent"

2013 Altaf Bhai's house searched by Met Police
Reaction: 
Diehard MQM: "ALTAF ALTAF #ONLYALTAF"
Distant Mahajirs: "Theek faisla hai Bhai ka"
Non-Mahajirs: "Sab milay huey hain. Sazish hai, Topi Drama"

2013 Altaf Bhai took decision to resign due to the search.
Reaction: 
Diehard MQM: "ALTAF ALTAF #ONLYALTAF"
Distant Mahajirs: "Theek faisla hai Bhai ka"
Non-Mahajirs: (Reluctantly) "Sab milay huey hain. Sazish hai, Topi Drama. He is RAW agent"

2013 Altaf Bhai takes the resignation back.
Reaction: 
Diehard MQM: "ALTAF ALTAF #ONLYALTAF"
Distant Mahajirs: "Theek faisla hai Bhai ka"
Non-Mahajirs: "Sab milay huey hain. Sazish hai, Topi Drama. He is RAW agent"

Monday, 13 May 2013

Mohib e Watan Phuppa

Jab hum school mein thhe, tou imaginary cricket mein, kapil dev, navjot sidhu, ravi shastri, Sachin jaise cricketers ko out karke apni patriotism ka bharam jhaartay thhe. Phir manoj prabharkar, srinath, prasad waghaira ko chhakkay laga kar. Aakhri gaind pe pak watan ko fatah se humkinaar karke mahmood ghaznavi aur mohammad bin qasim ki safo mein shaamil hojatay thhe. (Ye baray ho kar pata chala ke dono daku thhe. Kaash ye haqeeqat hum pe kabhi zahir na hoti. Aisa mehsoos hota hai ke aadha bachpan zaya gya). Khair ye thhiin wo masoomaana khwaahishaat jin se hub ul watni ka izhaar hota thha. 14th August pe jhanda lagana, Match ke doraan naray, Hockey ke goal pe mukkay lehrana waghaira.

Jaisay jaisay ye tareeqay common hotay gaye, patriotic aur fiercely patriotic ka farq mit ta chala gya. Ab fiercely patriotic logo ke liye differentiation qayam rakhna mushkil hota jaa raha thha. Iss liye baat khoon kharabay tak pohonch gayee. Logo ne likhna shru kardya "I bleed green", "Green blood in my veins". 

Baray phuppa ne bataya ke I am bleeding green. Phuppi khush hogayeen ke phuppa mohib e wattan hogaye hain. Ek dam Palang tor patriot! Waise bhi Phuppa ne kuch din pehle hee Bijli ka kunda daaltay huey kaha thha "Zardari bara chor ka bacha hai bhei. Wo chori karay, tou hum kyun na karein?" Zardari ko gaali de ke saaray wohi kaam karna, aam taur se palang tor patriotism ki pehli nishani hoti hai. Uske baad bleeding green! Ab tou Phuppi sameet sari family ko yaqeen ho chala thha ke Phuppa Mohib e wattan hogaye hain.

Kuch din baad Phuppa ki death hogai. Pata chala phuppa ko gangrene thhi. Isi liye green blood nikal raha thha. Hum khushiaan manatay rahay aur udher phuppa kehte rahay ke I bleed green, I bleed green.


THE END

In another unrelated news: A certain patriotic segment is celebrating that the change is coming while some others just burying the coffins of their loved ones.

Sunday, 5 May 2013

Shart Lagata hai?

Ek film ka scene yaad agya. Scene kuch aisa thha ke do dost ek dafa kahiin jaa rahay thhe. Raastay mein ek shakhs mila. Dost shararti thhe. Badmaash bhi keh saktay hain. Unko mazaq soojha. Ek ne doosray se zor se kaha:

Dost1: "Yar Shart lagata hai. Tu iss aadmi ko mukka maarega aur isay kuch nahi hoga"
Dost2: "Acha ye baat hai ye le" (Aadmi ke mukka jar deta hai)
Aadmi: "Bhai mein ne kya kiya?"
Dost2: "Kuch nahi hamari shart lagi thhi. Acha ab mein shart lagata hoon. Ab ki baar isko kuch nahi hoga"
Dost1: "Ye le" (Wo bhi mukka jar deta hai)

Iss tarah baari baari mukhtalif heelay bahano se wo uss shakhs ki khaasi pitaai kar ke chaltay bantay hain. Aadmi bechara zameen pe adh mua, zakhmi ye sochta reh jata hai ke uske saath hua kya.
Audience taali bajati hai. Paisa vusool. 

In another Development: Maulana Fazlur Rehman has said "Imran is a Qadiyani (derogatory term for Ahmedis) agent. He is Kaafir. He asks for votes from Qadiyanis"

First Punch. Ahmedis wonder that they never offered to vote for Imran Khan nor they ever went into this debate. Why are they even being discussed?

Imran Khan replies "Diesel is lying. I firmly believe Qadiyanis are kaafirs. Anyone who claims to be Prophet after Muhammad (SAW) is a kaafir and a liar"

Second Punch. Ahmedis continue to wonder that they never asked PTI UK member to seek vote from them. They were never in it. Never wanted to be in it. Then why?

People of Pakistan clap. Paisa Vusool.

THE END

(Govinda explains it better than me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_76HH74pc-I )
Imran Khan voted for Fazlur Rehman as Prime Minister in 2002

Tuesday, 30 April 2013

Ooper Allah Neechay Balla


Ooper Allah Neechay Balla

Ye PTI ka intikhaabi naara hai. Pakistan ki minorities ke liye iss mein thoray se rad o badal ki zaroorat hai. Agr ‘Neechay’ ki jaga ‘Peechay’ kardya jaaye tou zyada munaasib rahega. Humko minorities ko haqeeqat pasandaana mustaqbil dikhana chahiye. Khan sb ne waise bhi kaha hai ke wo sach bolenge.

Altaf Bhai ne Paan, gutka aur cigarette pe pabandi lagatay huey ailaan kya hai ke koi candidate inn teeno mein se kisi cheez ka istemaal na karta ho. Iss tarah taqreeban poori MQM ineligible hogai hai. Jo London, Durban, Sydney waghaira jaa ke inn cheezo se chhutkara paa chukay thhe, unko Supreme court ne waise hee dual national honay pe ban kardya hai. Altaf bhai se guzarish hai ke chhaalia pe bhi pabandi lagayein kyunke Middle Classia tou RedBull pe Rasily khha ke bhi tunn hojata hai. Rangeelay ka personal experience hai.

Baray Jernail Papa Kiyani ne kaha hai ke “Pakistan se Islam ko koi nahi nikal sakta.” Papa durust kehte hain. Islam ko tou koi nahi nikaal sakta. Haan albatta hum khud “Ahmedi Kafir” aur “Kaafir Kaafir Shia Kaafir” ki wall chalking karke, kayee logo ko Islam se bilkul nikaal sakte hain. Aur ek dafa wo Islam se nikal gaye tou unko Pakistan se bhi ba aasaani nikaala jaa sakta hai.

Papa ke iss kaam mein, 1970 ki tarah, Jamat e Islami aur Lashkar e Jhangvi jaisi jamaatein bakhoobi saath nibaah sakti hain (Bashart e ke baray dada abbu, Saudia Arbi ka taawun jaari rahay). PML N ne bhi Sipah e Sahaba ko ticket de ke iss naik kaam mein haath batanay ki khwahish zahir ki hai. More the merrier. Bazahir (Bharat ke khilaf cricket match ke ilawa), iss ek nuqtay pe qaum muttahid nazar aati hai.

Sirf ek party hai, jiski Election campaign pooray zor o shor se jaari hai. Baghair kisi rok tok ke. Ji Haan. TTP. (Dr Abdul Qadeer wali nahi). Unke polling agents apna kaam bakhoobi nibha rahay hain. Wo apni iss election campaign mein, iss hud tak, kaamyaab hogaye hain ke, bullet proof glass ke peechay taqreer karna, jisko hamaray palang tor patriots ek buzdilana qadam samajhte thhe. Ab ek daanishmandaada iqdaam samajhne lagay hain. Shukrya Khan sb, aap ne bulletproof glass ka rutba buland kya.

TTP ki iss kaamyaab campaigning ke baad, ANP ke log bhi, jauq dar jauq, TTP mein shaamil horahay hain. Iska process kuch aisa hai: “TTP candidate comes. Suicide Blast. ANP Candidate. Leaves ANP” Seedha simple 4 step process. ANP ghaur kar rahi hai ke ab Alam e barzakh ke candidates ko bhi tickets jaari karay.

PPP ke baray mein likhna fuzool hai. Ye dunya ki wahid jamaat hai jiski campaign, qabr se uske Shaheed leaders, directly chalatay hain. Choonkay Islam ko Pakistan se koi nahi nikaal sakta aur Islam mein hai ke Murdo ka ehteraam karna chahiye, iss liye hum iss muamlay ko yehiin chhor detay hain.

Kya pata kab hum pe ghalatphemy, i mean blasphemy lag jaye.

Rangeela Signing off for Today

Sunday, 28 April 2013

Muta'asib Kaun?

Update: This blog was written before the Azizabad blasts but nothing has changed since then. In fact, after Azizabad, looking at twitter feeds and facebook statuses of Terrorist apologists, this blog is just further established.

Rangeela just recently intercepted a letter from a friend to another. It goes like:

"Janab e Aali, Assalam o Alaikum. Aap mujh se kehte thhe ke mein muta'asib hoon. Karachi mein hamesha uss jamaat ko vote daalta hoon jo meray firqay, meray ilaaqay ki hai. Kayee dafa tou daalta bhi nahi aur vote khud hee dal jata hai. Mein aapka yaqeen karta. Sochta shayd aap sahi hain. Kya meri parvarish theek nahi, jo mein itna mutaasib hoon? Shayd hum mahajiro mein bohot taassub bhara hai. Mein ye sawal hamesha karta ke Muta'asib kaun hai aur kyun?

Kayee din guzray, mahinay saal huey. Phir aap ke haan ek dhamaka hua, Daata darbar Lahore mein. Mein bara udaas hua. Taliban ko gaalian diin. Phir attack hua Srilankan team pe. Iss dafa bhi mein bara udaas hua. Taliban ko gaaliaan diin. Agr che ke aap ne bharti sazish ko zimmay daar tehraya lekin hamara ikhtilaaf iss pe kabhi na raha ke ye hamlay mazloomo pe huey. Mera sawaal wahiin ka wahiin raha ke itna Muta'asib kaun hai aur kyun?

Aur kayee saal guzray aur April 2013 aya. Meray ilaaqo mein bhi bomb dhamakay huey. Kuch logo ne kaha ke elections se bhagnay ki sazish hai. Jis jamaat ko mein vote daalta thha, uss ne kaha ke hum bhaagengay nahi. Taliban ne dhamako ki zimmaydaari qubool ki. Mein aapko batana chaahta thha ke jo aapke saath Daata darbaar mein hua, ab hamaray saath bhi hua hai. Dekhein ke mein sahi thha, ye Taliban hee hain. Mein aapko phone karnay hee wala thha ke aapka facebook status parha:

 "These guys deserved it. It has served them right. Happy that now we don't have to put up with their songs"

Aur mujhay mera jawab mil gya.

Faqat aapka dost
Muta'asib

Friday, 19 April 2013

What? No Negotiations?

Abhi abhi ye khabar ayi hai ke Boston bombers maaray aur pakray jaa chukay hain. Rangeela ye soch ke pareshan hogya. Hairaan reh gya! Ye kya?? Dunya ki sab se transparent democracy aur ye insaaf? (we need a tehrik for insaf in Amrika - Hint). The tehrik will collect funds and will use them to give the bombers a chance to negotiate and fair trial. We should give peace a chance.

Amrika, ek aisa mulk, jiske adaalti nizaam aur insaaf ki misaalein log detay hain. Aur hamaray haan ke liberal fashisht tareef kartay nahi thhaktay, iss mulk ka muwaazna, hamare jaise pak watan ke islami, sharai aur azaad adaalti nizaam se karein tou ye sooraj ko chiragh dikhanay jaisa hoga. (i still get goose bumps that how the terrorists can be shot, without being given a chance to negotiate. This is so called American democracy?).

Hamaray haan aadalat, aise hee kisi masoom ko jail mein nahi daal deti. Jaisa aap ne Afia ke saath kya Chief Justice John Sahab*, sunn lein. Hamare haan fair trial milta hai. Killer ko suna jaata hai balkay iss hud tak insaaf hai ke Killer ki hee suni jaati hai. Ye dekhein.


Na sirf judges balkay hamaray lawyers bhi iss qadr insaf pasand hain ke be-gunaah ka trial nahi dekh saktay. Agar koi rangay haatho qatl karta pakra bhi jaaye aur Agr wo Islam ki raah mein ho, tou kya bhala wo qatl kehlayega? Jawab dein Justice Stephen*? Aur seekhein iss se kuch.

Insaf ka iss qadar bol baala hai (khaas taur pe adlia azaad honay ke baad) ke terrorist khud keh rahay hotay hain ke hum suicide bombing karenge lekin hum kehtay hain "Chal paglay! naadaan! nat khhat! tujhe kya maaloom. Tu abhi masoom hai". Jab tak hum mohabbat nahi dikhayenge tab tak ye log kaise sudhrengay? Akhir ye hamaray apnay hain. Hain ke nahi? Agr koi faasiq o ghaasib inke khilaaf action le le tou poori qaum yak musht ho ke, ek muttahid qaum ban ke khari hojati hai zulm ke khilaaf.

In the end, I would like to advise our US brothers that Boston must get out of the war on terror like Pakistan. After all there is no imminent danger of any terrorist doing anything wrong.

http://youtu.be/K5mx6MkPn7w?t=2m57s


Your Sincere Friend and Sympathiser
Rangeela
*Justice John aur Justice Stephen, Amriki Supreme court ke judges hain

Saturday, 13 April 2013

Suqoot e Dhaka (Fall of Dhaka) ke Asbaab - Different Perspective

Iss baat pe behes kayee saalo se jaari hai ke Mashriqi Pakistan hum se alag kyun hua. Yahya Khan ke sharaab peenay ki waja se? Bhutto ki khud gharzi, Mujeeb ki Ghaddari ya phir Yahood o Hunood o Nasara ki Sazishein? Tamaam palang tor patriots iss baat pe muttafiq hain ke inn chaaro factors ka combination thha (Iss baat ka khyaal rahay ke fauj ke muamlay mein aap Yahya Khan ke SHARABI honay ko single out karein. Fauj se zyada SHARAB pe zor ho. Pooray institute ko moorad e ilzam na tehrayein warna 62/63 lag jayega)

Kuch dino pehlay ek nya aur intehaai authentic reason Rangeela ki nazro se guzra. Jis pe aaj tak hum palang tor patriots ka dhyaan na gya thha. Aur uski bunyaad, ek meethay aur palang tor bhai ki jaanib se, facebook pe share ki gayee, ye tasveer thhi.


Iss ko ghaur se dekhein. Kya ye baat saabit nahi hoti ke Pakistan ka naam, hamaray pyaray Prophet (SAW) ke naam pe rakha gya thha? Kya ye moajza, Khuda ke kisi aur moajzay se kam hai? Isi liye intehai zaroori hai ke hum Kashmir haasil karke rahein kyunke wo Mohammad (SAW) ke "Meem" ko mukammal karta hai. (Iss pe guftugu baad mein hogi ke wo kaise karengay, filhaal Suqoot e Dhaka pe baat kartay hain).

Ab dekhein Bangladesh (Former East Pakistan) ka naqsha. Rangeelay ne jab ghaur kya tou YE KYA?? KUFR!!!! Aur aapko yaqeenan ye jaan ke hairaani hogi ke Bengali shru hee se Hinduo ke zyada qareeb thhe (Rangeelay ne iski ek aur misaal apne ek aur blog post mein bhi di hai). Ab aap hee batayein, iss kafirana nishaan ko humaray pak watan se alag kardena hee sahi thha ke nahi?
Ye OM ka nishan hai jo Hinduo ka ek sign hota ha
(Thats how Islamic revelation pages describe pictures)

Bas phir kya thha, Sharabi Yahya Khan, Khud gharz Bhutto, Ghaddar Mujeeb aur Yahood o Hunood o Nasara sab milgaye. Lekin ALLAH ke raaz tou wohi jaanta hai. Inn sab ki saazishein tou apni jaga thhiiin lekin ye nahi jantay thhe ke wo faida hum Musalmaan Pakistanio ka hee kar rahe hain. Kufr alag hua aur Pak Pak Pakistan nikhar ke samnay aagya.

Balkay ye kahein tou ghalat na hoga ke asal Pakistan tou bana hee 1971 mein aur jab se ab tak qayam o dayam hai. Iss liye agr hum ye kehte hain ke Pakistan azal se abd tak qayam rahega. Isko na koi tor saka hai aur na tor sakay ga. Tou kya ghalat kehte hain?

Pakistan Paindabaad.



Friday, 29 March 2013

Safar Ab Jitna Baaqi hai - Parveen Shakir


Boht sardi he --- mamma
abhi kuch dayr
mera hath mat chhore(n)!

zmastaa(n) ki hawa se kapkapaata
mere seene se lga
tu keh raha tha!

ziyada din nahi guzre
k meri goad ki garmi
tujhe aaraam deti thi
galay me mere, baahe(n) daal kr tu is tarha sota
k aksar sari sari raat meri
aik karwat me guzar jati !

mere daaman ko pakre
ghar me titlee ki trah se ghoomta rehta
magar phir jald hi tujh ko
parindo(n) or phoolo(n)
or phir ham-jholiyo(n) k paas se aesa bulaava aagaya
jis ko paa kar
meri ungli chura kr
tu hujoom-e-rang me khushbu ki surat mil gaya tha
phir is k baad khaabo(n) se bhara bastaa liye
school ki janib rawaana ho gaya tu
jahan phir rang or phir hafr or phir hindse
or so tarha k khel tere muntazir the
dil lubhaate the
tere ustaad mujh se moa'tabar the
dost mujh se khoob-tar the
mujhe maloom he
me tujh se peeche reh gaii hun
safar ab jitna baqi he
wo bas paspaaii ka hi reh gaya he
teri dunya me ab har pal
naye logon ki aamad he
me be-had khaamushi se
unki jaghe(n) khaali karte jaa rahi hun
tera chehra nikharta ja raha he
me pas-manzar me hoti jaa rahi hun

ziyada din na guzre(n) ge
mere haatho(n) ki ye dheemi haraarat
tujhe kafi nahi hogi
koi khush-lams dast-e-yaasmee(n) aa kar
gulaabi rang hiddat
tere haatho(n) me samo dega
mera dil tujh ko kho de ga
me baaqi umr
tera raasta takti rahun gi
me maa(n) hun
or meri qismat judaai he

(Parveen shakir)

Thursday, 28 March 2013

DJ BUTT ki Tsunami

DJ BUTT ki Tsunami



India ke paas @BDUTT hai tou hamaray paas @DBUTT, I mean DJ BUTT hai. Tabdeeli ki riwayat ko qaym rakhte huey DJ BUTT ne bhi qaum se waaday kiye hain:

Wada#1: Aap se kabhi jhoot nahi boloonga. Meray paas jo CD hai sirf usi CD ka commit karoonga. Jo CD nahi hai uska commit nahi karoonga

Wada#2: Aapki Mehendi mein Allah ka nizaam laoonga. Maghreb aur Isha ke dauraan gaano pe pause doonga. Ghar ke kisi baaresh buzurg ko mujhe toknay ki zaroorat nahi paregi.

Wada#3: Aapki femily ki bachion ko apni couzinx ki tarah tr3at karoonga.

Wada#4: Movi, sound, lights ka poora peckage doonga. Jhankar sound k saath.

Wada#5: Mein waada karta hoon ke Master copy ke start mein "Well Come - Salman Weding Zara" ki spell sahi likhoonga.

Wada#6: Aapki Shaadi pe na khud khaaoonga na dosto ko khanay doonga.


Ab mein bhi aap se kuch waaday lenay chahta hoon.
  1. Wada karein ke bachiaan aur bachay gaano pe achi aur full dance practice kar ke ayenge.
  2. Wada karein ke apni dancing incapability ko chhupanay ke liye poori family ka rail gaari dance nahi hoga.
  3. Wada karein ke koi Middle Classiay uncle meter ho ke solo bhangra ya luddi paish nahi karenge.
  4. Wada karein ke extended family ke log mujhe pakar pakar kar fotoo nahi khhinchwayenge ke "Bhai idher! zara ek fotu lena"
THEEND

For Contect pls call DJBUTT 
Hello: 0333786786

Sunday, 24 March 2013

Say the right way. Save yourself from Blasphemy

Learn to say Inshallah in the right way. Secure Jannah. Avoid committing blasphemy. With practical and easy "How to Do" video. Easy Musical way to teach children. Order your CD now Was $99.99 Now $9.99




Right In Sha Allah by yaqubimmegret

Tehrik e Insaf aur Jamat e Islami - Hubbul Watni


تحریکِ انصاف اور جماعتِ اسلامی- حبّ الوطنی کانمونہ
آج ہی خبر آئی ہے کہ تحریکِ انصاف اور جماعتِ اسلامی میں انتخابی اتحاد طے پا چکا ہے۔ بڑی خوشی کی خبر ہے۔ پی ٹی آئی کہ کچھ لبرلز تذبذب کا شکار ہیں کہ اسکو  کیسے ڈیفینڈ کریں- میں ان کی یہ پریشانی دور کیے دیتا ہوں-

  عمران خان صاحب کی اک اچھی اور بڑی بات یہ ہے کہ وہ اپنے اوپر کئے ظلم تو معاف کر دیتے ہیں لیکن قوم کہ اوپر ہوئے ظلم کبھی نہیں۔ یہی وجہ ہے کہ انھوں نے اپنے اوپر کی گئی، جماعتیوں کی پٹائی فوراً معاف کردی- سید منور حسن صاحب سے ذکر تک نہ کیا-  ورنہ منور تو پوری تمحید باندھ کے، معافی تیار کر کے آئے تھے-

 اگر آپ ان ٪2  لوگوں میں سے ہیں جو یہ جانتے ہیں کہ جماعتِ اسلامی نے تو قوم کہ اوپر بھی کئی ظلم کیئے ہیں، 1971 سے پہلے البدر اور الشمس بنا کے ،  تو آپ بلکل صحیح بلاگ پہ آئے ہیں- آپ کیا سمجھتے ہیں؟ کیا خان صاحب کو اس ظلم کا علم نہیں؟ بلکل ہے-  لیکن  چونکہ اب بنگالی ہماری قوم کا حصہ نہیں بلکہ ایمانداری کی بات تو یہ ہے کہ بنگالی ہمیشہ ہی سے ہندوُں سے زیادہ قریب رہے انھوں نے کبھی ہمیں اپنا حصہ سمجھا ہی نہیں- شکل میں بھی کم رنگ اور پستہ قامد رہے جو  ہندوُں سے مشابہت ہے- مسلمان تو گورا اور لمبا ہوتا ہے (خان صاحب کو ہی دیکھ لیں)-    خیر ، اب جب کہ یہ ثابت ہو گیا کہ بنگالی ہماری قوم تھے ہی نہیں تو ان پہ کیا گیا ظلم بھی ہماری قوم پہ ظلم کہاں ہوا؟   بلکہ وہ تو دشمن کہ خلاف جہاد ہوا  –   اب آپ ہی بتایئں کہ ایسی حبّ الوطن جماعت سے اتحاد کیوں نہ کریں؟
فقط
آپکا   حب الوطن  رنگیلا 

Sunday, 10 March 2013

What is causing this? Ye Hum Nahiin


I was searching for the reason, why 178 Christian homes were burnt in Pakistan. Children, women and men left without their hiding place for what? I saw many reasons posted by well wishers, patriots who bleed green (no its not Gangrene you Idiot!) and those who love Pakistan to the core and term everyone else a traitor. These are summarized below for your selection. Take your pick:


  1. Is it because of Allah's Azab due to nude pics in lawn ads? After all Sunita Marshall is Christian and do ads. 
  2. Or is it drones as Khan sb says? But then no drones have done any damage recently. 
  3. Is it because we don't say In Sha Allah with correct spacing and capital letters which Allah doesn't like? 
  4. Could it be that the Christians don't say "Ghar se nikalnay ki dua" and that's why they are not protected.
I was still not satisfied. After all, Pakistani Christians are half muslims. Some of them can even be seen saying InshaAllah (Ok not with correct spacing but still!), MashAllah, Alhamdolillah etc. Some even go for Jumma prayers under peer pressure and when the pressure increases, they also shout Allah O Akbar and La Ilaha Illallah Muhammad ur Rusool Allah.

But then I found the most convincing and logical of them all. A follower tweeted this. And I found my reason! 

Ok Guys! Prayer time, jazakallah. Oops! Jazak Allah Khair!!

(Chal bhei chhotay wo Ye Hum Nahiin wali CD laga. Abey "Har Lehza hai Momin" ki CD match ke liye thhi. Nikaal usko!)

Follow at @YaqubImmegret