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Saturday, 13 February 2016

Two stories about a country

Two stories:

The first story goes like this. There was a girl. She was different. She lived in a country whose elites and commons strongly opposed the same sex marriage. In fact when the law was passed thousands of miles away in the United States, they protested as if it is passed in their own land. They also condemned those who supported equal LGBT rights. This girl, however, was from the LGBT community.
She stayed quiet because according to her people (even the educated ones), it was a mental disease. She was not well and needed treatment. They declared she couldn't live with normal people. She needed an asylum (according to the educated ones) or death (according to the pious ones).
*************************************End of Story****************************************************

The second story is of a girl who was born in a poor country. She did well in her studies and managed to immigrate to a western country. She did extremely well there and became a renowned scientist.

One day she discovered something big. The world praised her. The elites and commons of her own country were really proud of her. They couldn't stopping boasting about her that she is from their country. They told her stories to their children, their acquaintances and to the world. Her people said that if given the right opportunity, the people of this country could do wonders, like this girl did, and they were absolutely right.
**************************************End of Story******************************************************

What if I tell you that the girl in both the stories is the same; Nergis Mavalvala. What if she was stoned to death in her own country because she was different. And all the educated ones and not-educated ones would have either supported the stoning or stayed quiet. The more "considerate" and "liberal" ones would have condemned stoning and supported the idea of putting her in a mental asylum instead.

Yes. That's us. The people of Islamic Republic of Pakistan.

Saturday, 16 January 2016

Mujhe dushman ke bacho ko parhana hai

Sir Qooba saw ISPR video "Mujhe dushman ke bacho ko parhana hai" (I need to educate enemy's children) made on the sad anniversary of APS' martyred children. Sir Qooba liked idea of educating enemy children!

Sir Qooba thinked that why this idea no came earlier? We could have saved some lives No? Anyway, better late came than never came. Right? (should it be 'than' or 'then'? nevermind.)  But Sir Qooba get disappointed when watched tv because no one is working on the plan to teach enemy children. Everyone fighting, quarreling and accusing each other. 

First Sir Qooba thought of the internationally famous one solution of Pakistan's every problem: "Sabko line mein khara karke goli maardo! (Make a queue and shoot everyone)" but then sir qooba realize, this is exactly what enemy did No? 

Sir Qooba talking to himself: "No no! Sir Qooba, we patriotic pakistanis have to be different. Let's  shelve the idea of 'making queue' for later for politicians only. Will bring it out on the next doctrine of necessity debate."

So Sir Qooba, as lone warrior (just like his mentor Zaid Hamid sb), decided to educate enemy children on his own. So what should we teach first? Holy books tou enemy children read anyway No? With practicals! So let's start with Biology. Sir Qooba open English Medium Sindh Board 9 class biology textbook and find this: 

Sir Qooba recheck cover. Is it Islamiat book or Biology? Check 3 times. It say biology. Oh! O...k.... but maybe next few pages will be different. Right? Let's see next section:
Oh.. lets forget Biology. Let's open Physics.. Let's teach Physics to enemy children. Some solid science yeah! that will knock some sense in their head. *Sir Qooba feel proud of himself*

Ok Class 10 English Medium Physics.. start:

WTF.... Sir Qooba pulls his hair out  Ok.. ok.. Calm Sir Qooba!!! This stuff is something that enemy already teaching to his children.. so we need to teach English perhaps. 

Sir Qooba is gulaabi (pink) in English but no harm in trying. So Lets open English textbook Class 9 Sindh Board:

Dear Lord! Did Prophet do sermon in English? How is this the first entry in English book? Sir Qooba confused. Ok Maybe next chapter is on notable English writer like Shakespeare? Lets see next chapter Sir Qooba (keep calm):

"Wasn't Shah Latif Sindhi poet?" Sir Qooba thinks to himself  "or maybe he was English?.. maybe he apply for HSMP? I don't know". But notable to see that even the chapter on Shah Latif start with "Islam is a religion of peace...". *Sir Qooba, by now, literally saluting with standing ovation to the chairman of the English medium board*

Sir Qooba checks first 8 chapters of the book. There is Allama Iqbal, Rana Liaquat and many others. Only one "The Daffodils" looks relevant odd one out. Sir Qooba demand, this chapter must immediately be taken out and "Shah jo Risalo" or "Sura e Kausar" be put in instead.

Sir Qooba made this demand, not just like that. He got the idea by following this other human religion rights activist guy on Facebook:
But Sir Qooba also not blame Editor board Shazia Aijaz. Maybe poor lady saw so much of religion in every branch of science that she just thought of spamming the whole book with it. Don't blame her.

Sir Qooba now thinking... maybe Enemy has more sensible syllabus than us. Maybe enemy should teach our children than we teaching enemy children No? 

Sir Qooba idea to ISPR: ISPR should also think of a song on these lines. Let's put the responsibility of teaching on enemy. Let them teach our children. The stuff we r teaching, they can teach better No? What an idea Sir Jee! Hain? Kaisa dya? Dya na acha Enemy ko?

But Sir Qooba has another confession. Again, this idea came from following this Principal of an English Medium school, who says, we should outsource our country to Saudia Arabia:

Full interview of principal can be read here for many enlightening topics like behavioural science of co-education. The principal also ponders upon (that despite so much religion in every textbook) 'why teachers are not scared of Allah?' This interview is a wealth of knowledge for enemy and friend children. Must Read!

After all this research, Sir Qooba give this methematical equation as gift to the children of both enemy and friends, from Allam Iqbal Medical college. Thank me later.

Sir Dr. Qooba - PhD